I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
