I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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