i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
