Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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