need another drink. this is the easiest way
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
