i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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