Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize