So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
