Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
