yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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