can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
