Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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