There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize