If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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