They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
