if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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