You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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