I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
