that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
