I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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