You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
