i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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