so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
