:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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