If that was your dad, he is hot
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
