I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
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We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
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do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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