No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
