Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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