Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
