mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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