Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
