It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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