I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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