I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
