this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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