I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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