i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
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