the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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