Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
