My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I FOUND THE LEGS
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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