From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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