I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
