you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
