We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
