you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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