I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She's the barista slut.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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