I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
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Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
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If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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