Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize