The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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