Pants 0. Shit 1.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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