Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
