Sober January is a disaster.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
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I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
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Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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