Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
