Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
