Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
