We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
