That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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