i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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