I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
