It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
