I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
