The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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