I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
